Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
