I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
