Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
