we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
We named our party play list daddy issues
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
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