I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
