I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
