I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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