mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
