Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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