turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
