Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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