you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
