Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
