I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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