I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Randomize
