Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
What did we do last night that was yellow?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
