He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Randomize
