pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
