Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
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