Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
