Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
