that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
