We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
