I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
