if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
