its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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