Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
