What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
