he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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