I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize