The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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