stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
