Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
