pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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