I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
