hotel room ftw
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
