and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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