She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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