after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize