I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
