last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
