chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Randomize
