Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
