The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
