nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize