you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
