I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
