I just saw a hot homeless man
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
