life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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