Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
