She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
