At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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