just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
