I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
