I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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