Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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