he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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