Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize