I think I just saw someone hide a body.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
