Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize