I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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