I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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