I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
