I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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