Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
