So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
