3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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