Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Randomize
