Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
