You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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