yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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